A Girl Without Choice
Talking with Guo can always make me feel happy.
She is good at communicating with people. Being with her, I feel relaxed and have so many words to say.
I guess she wants to be a boy if she has another choice. Different from other people who just want to show their personality and burn money to take the surgery and change their genders, Guo was born with the gender ambiguity. Due to the medical condition and her body condition, she had no choice but became a “girl” at that time. But Guo did not develop as people expected.
Guo is now a girl with 1.88 meters (6.17 feet) high and she wears shoes of size 44 (size 10 in US). She wears short hair and like T-shirts and pants. She really seems like a boy! She learned herself as the identity of being a girl when she was very young. She goes to girls’ dormitory at school and ladies’ room in public areas, and she lives with girls in the orphanage. She also accepts herself as a girl in her bottom heart. However, she also encounters a lot of embarrassing moments in her daily life. She said she was used to it. For me, I still worry about her feelings.
Institution staff told me that Guo once represent the institution to take part in an inter-provincial basketball game, and she and her team got the first prize. But other institutions doubted it was an unfair game because they asked a boy to attend. They won the game not proudly. Once I was with her to go to her new school. She was refused when she was about to enter her dorm, the janitor told her girls’ room was not allowed boys to enter. We spent a lot of time explaining, and she finally asked us to go in. For twice, we only stepped into the ladies’ room, and women in there began to scream, “this is women’s restroom, how a man came in?” I have to explain to everyone that she is a girl, for many times, they finally accepted the truth. It felt like we did something wrong and had to make an apology.
I had only a period of time with her, and my feeling might be temporary, but for her, she had to bear people’s looks, heart-breaking feelings and award moments for her life long time. I know she is very optimistic and she had her energy to face all of this.
Guo is a smart and capable girl. She is a great cook because she can cook many delicious dishes. She just finished her vocational studies and now has an internship in the institution. For her future life, she had her own plan. She is going to spend her rest life with another girl in the institution, and they will take care of each other. I do admire and appreciate her strong personality. Every time I think of her, I am full of energy and happiness. Such a wonderful girl!
